It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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