he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
