there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
