Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
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The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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