Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
