I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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