I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
