Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm both gender and math confused
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
