i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
