the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
