I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
