My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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