it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
