I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
