I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Come share oat with me in your robe
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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