All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
