i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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