I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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