Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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