My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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