Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
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I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
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Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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