Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
