I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
