On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
