I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
