New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
