I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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