Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
