Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am naked and annoyed.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize