We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
