Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize