His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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