my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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