but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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