Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
