I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
