a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
