thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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