none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
