dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
