I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
