what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
