Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
