Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
