Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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