I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
