so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
