And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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