It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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