i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
