Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
