just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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