We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
