Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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