Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
