I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
There was a lot of him and a little penis
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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