i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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