I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
