I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
