alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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