do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
