Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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