Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish I only lived at night.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
