So drunk its hurt
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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