We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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