I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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