Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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