I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
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funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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