i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
