His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
