hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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