I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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