u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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