yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
