69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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